Last year I figured out how to build my first 7 figure business but I never did because when I looked at what I was selling, I saw something else other than money.
I saw over-consumption and pollution.
Questionable labor practices.
And now even toxic chemical pollution.
I hate myself a lot. I question how I can turn away from stacks of cash. How everyone I know has no problem making stacks of cash. This is the status quo.
I question how I could have gone through all the suffering in my life and refuse to cash in on the rewards. What did I suffer for? What did my parents suffer for?
I try to think rationally. If I don’t participate, someone else will, so why not me?
I’m a little flabbergasted by the status quo. I don’t understand the status quo. I don’t understand how it could be so unsustainable and cruel and I am the crazy person because I don’t want to participate. The reality I see is really painful for me.
I don’t understand how people can treat each other this way. Themselves, their future, their planet.
So I try not to think about it and I try to decrease my harmful participation as much as possible as a global citizen as well as a businesswoman. While I was working on trying to figure out how to do that, I started consulting more. I figured helping others make money on Amazon, at least I wasn’t directly doing any harm myself.
The funny or strange thing is that I think I got even better at making money on Amazon. Being exposed to different businesses with a lot more capital, I was able to see my work at scale. I built potential 7 figure businesses within months and even potentially doubled a million dollar business within a few weeks.
So when someone told me he didn’t understand my work or my problems, I was like, I don’t understand what the hell is wrong with me either. I could do more. I could have impact, make money, make other people money, but I can’t help but think about all the negative impacts of my actions.
For example, as I’ve been learning about toxic chemicals and its dangers on not only the environment but human health, I realized that one of my clients sells PVC products to toddlers. I would never let my future child ever near a material like that and I know that it’s not that big of a deal, they sell these products across the country and around the world. Aiding them to add one more million to their top line isn’t going to be a huge deal in the world but it makes me feel like shit for bringing that toxic product to one more child. I don’t want any part in that.
Many people are probably like boo-fucking-hoo and I’m just like there’s so much wrong in the world already, I don’t want to add to it.
I feel like all the suffering I experienced was because of poverty and I don’t want to participate in something that will hurt people in poverty. The truth is that every hidden cost that we don’t pay for as businesses or consumers, someone is paying for it, and that person really can’t afford to pay. They pay with their lives and I don’t want to be part of that if I can choose to. And if that means feeling crazy in a capitalist society because I turn down $100k checks or multi-million dollar once in a lifetime opportunities, so be it. Boo-fucking-hoo.
I don’t pray but I hope that whatever is holding me back will continue to do so and that someday it will all make sense. As my therapist says, you’ve made your bed, now lie in it. My bed, burden, or madness is trying to build an ethical sustainable company in today’s capitalist madness. My temptation is do I make a quick million and put the million to good use or do I do it the hard way and make sure I do it my way?
If you could see the world through my eyes, would you think I’m crazy?
If you can help me feel less crazy and perhaps become a neoliberalist, I’m definitely open to feeling less crazy. I hate the friction. This goes the other way as well. I hope someday the friction will stop and I’ll be able to find my peace. I am afraid that might never happen until my last breath but I can hope.
If you’d like to see the world through my eyes, these films might help.